Good to have family, Bad to have nightmares.

Well we got some really cool news from E's mom today. It turns out that when the family was over for a BBQ this weekend, one of her siblings brought us over a LOT of stuff for the little Kellybean. They brought us diapers, onesies, blankets, and a bunch of baby food. I am feeling really blessed to have people looking out for us, and also excited about the new baby we are bringing into this world. This news was completely unexpected, and I am still really kind of in shock.

So...that is the really good news of the day. On the other side of things some of you have heard me speak in other venues of the fact that I have been having really bad dreams and nightmares the last several weeks. The most prominent subject of these dreams is me not surviving long enough to meet my new child. I know it has to be from subconscious fear and stress,  but it is really starting to get to me.

It is hard to become rested when one's dreams are so very stressful most nights. My chronic health issues are no doubt at the heart of a lot of this. Many of my dreams involve having complications due to one of my illnesses, or a coming procedure (having my 12th colonoscopy on April 9th) resulting in the finding of aggressive cancer.

The other most common of these dreams involve something happening to E and/or the baby either prior to, or during childbirth. I wish I could figure a way to make this all stop. I just have to remember that they are nothing but dreams and continue on each day knowing how excited I am for everything that we have to look forward to.

I really love my life, more than I ever have at any point in the past, and I guess I am just very afraid of something happening to lose it!

~Father Finally