Sunday, March 29, 2015
Good to have family, Bad to have nightmares.
Well we got some really cool news from E's mom today. It turns out that when the family was over for a BBQ this weekend, one of her siblings brought us over a LOT of stuff for the little Kellybean. They brought us diapers, onesies, blankets, and a bunch of baby food. I am feeling really blessed to have people looking out for us, and also excited about the new baby we are bringing into this world. This news was completely unexpected, and I am still really kind of in shock.
So...that is the really good news of the day. On the other side of things some of you have heard me speak in other venues of the fact that I have been having really bad dreams and nightmares the last several weeks. The most prominent subject of these dreams is me not surviving long enough to meet my new child. I know it has to be from subconscious fear and stress, but it is really starting to get to me.
It is hard to become rested when one's dreams are so very stressful most nights. My chronic health issues are no doubt at the heart of a lot of this. Many of my dreams involve having complications due to one of my illnesses, or a coming procedure (having my 12th colonoscopy on April 9th) resulting in the finding of aggressive cancer.
The other most common of these dreams involve something happening to E and/or the baby either prior to, or during childbirth. I wish I could figure a way to make this all stop. I just have to remember that they are nothing but dreams and continue on each day knowing how excited I am for everything that we have to look forward to.
I really love my life, more than I ever have at any point in the past, and I guess I am just very afraid of something happening to lose it!
~Father Finally
Friday, March 20, 2015
2 Year Anniversary
We have been so very busy lately, and I apologize for not updating more regularly. This is something that I will be remedying soon, but for the moment the expectant mother and I are on our way to Des Moines to celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary and the birthday of a dear friend.
I am very excited about everything coming in the next couple of weeks with this process, especially finding out the sex of our child on April 9th! Unfortunately that is immediately preceded by (April 8th) my 11th or 12th colonoscopy...I have literally lost count.
But not to dwell on the negative, I need to stay focused on all the positive. I am loving every day of this process. I think about our coming child almost continually throughout the day. I love how my beautiful wife looks with that precious baby bump, and I look forward to watching it continue to grow. Laying my ear on her belly to listen to our little one move all around and putting my hand on her baby bump to feel each kick or punch makes me smile with joy.
As you all know, for me this has been a LONG time in coming...and I am going to cherish each moment.
~Father Finally
17 weeks +1 day
Thursday, March 12, 2015
The ridiculous world of pregnancy apps
Being a 'first time father to be' I though to myself "Hey, I should get a pregnancy app or two to help with the process," and while I have learned some things that I did not know before I am frankly appalled by their apparent views on dads.
As some of you probably already know these apps give you a daily and weekly information post, most of which are directly targeted to the mothers to be. Once in a while they post something directed towards the father's, and let us just say, these particular posts paint a very unflattering image of all the fathers and fathers to be out in the world.
To show you just what I am talking about, here is yesterday's remarkable post from Baby Bump...
"Just for Dad: I'm Interested...
When your significant other is pregnant, perhaps one of the best ways to show your support is to take an active interest in her. Even if she's talking about how the baby's foot was kicking her bladder (again), stop and think about how important these topics are to her. It's obvious that when the baby kicks her bladder it is very annoying to her, and her telling you about it makes her feel somewhat better. And when she goes on and on about baby names, that means she wants your input, too. So instead of responding with "uh huh" s and "hmm" s, make an effort to comment, provide your feedback, or ask questions. You may get a very stunned-yet very happy-response, and you'll both get a boost of confidence at serving an important role in each other's daily lives."
My first and simplest response? "DUH!" I'm about to be a father for cripes sakes! Plus, you know...I love my baby mamma; that is in fact why I married her and am having a child with her. I want to know how she is feeling all of the time, and be there to help take care of her. I also am certainly going to be involved in the naming of, and all the other things involved with, our child.
I can't be THAT different than the other expectant fathers out there. These apps just seem belittling and give fathers to be no credit at all.
Thanks for listening {end rant}
~Father Finally
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Beating down the winter blues...
Between so much morning sickness early on and then a harsh and miserable winter lingering on, Erin has not been able to get the walking and exercise in that we both know she needs.
The weather however has taken a big turn the last couple of days, and today it is a sunny, gorgeous, and (relatively) warm day with highs pushing near 50. We were able to get out and take the dogs for a 1 and 1/4 mile walk, and then Erin and I were able to get out for another 1 mile walk with just the two of us. I know that her and the baby need this, and I am so happy that the weather is going to continue to get nicer throughout the week.
This family is going to be spending as much time as possible outside. Looks like we are going to get a family pass this season at the local aquatic center. It will be nice to be able to spend a lot of time in the sun with the family, with the cool waters to help beat the humid summer heat we get here. Hopefully that will be just what Erin needs to get her through to late August, when our new little family member will be joining the fold.
~Father Finally
The weather however has taken a big turn the last couple of days, and today it is a sunny, gorgeous, and (relatively) warm day with highs pushing near 50. We were able to get out and take the dogs for a 1 and 1/4 mile walk, and then Erin and I were able to get out for another 1 mile walk with just the two of us. I know that her and the baby need this, and I am so happy that the weather is going to continue to get nicer throughout the week.
This family is going to be spending as much time as possible outside. Looks like we are going to get a family pass this season at the local aquatic center. It will be nice to be able to spend a lot of time in the sun with the family, with the cool waters to help beat the humid summer heat we get here. Hopefully that will be just what Erin needs to get her through to late August, when our new little family member will be joining the fold.
~Father Finally
Friday, March 6, 2015
Father (to be) Finally
Here I am at 40 years of age, and finally finding myself as a father to be; a dream I had given up on many years ago until a series of events led me to my amazing wife, and our new and wonderful life together.
After a lost pregnancy a little more than a year ago, and trouble conceiving again after, we had chosen to move on and I again had found myself giving up on the prospect of having a child of my own. To our surprise it was within a couple weeks of the decision to move on that we took the test that both surprised and thrilled me at the same time. A joy that can not be described in words no matter how hard I would try.
Already having two high school aged children of her own (both who are great and who I love as my own), ever closer to adulthood and making their own way out into the world, I am ever inspired by her want and willingness to virtually 'start over' as people have said and bring a new child into this world with me. One of our flesh and of our blood, carrying on the bloodline of my father and my father's father; a bloodline that seemed as though it may possibly be severed at this generation of me and my brothers.
There of course was some worry early on given our previous pregnancy's outcome, and a difficulty during one appointment finding the heartbeat of our child. We however were able to see a healthy and bouncing baby, as well as a very strong heartbeat. Now at a little over 15 weeks we have finally reached the point where most of the danger is behind us. We are able to share the joyous news with one and all and begin the genuine preparation for all that is to come.
This is my outlet to write about what I feel and what I encounter on this new journey and chapter in my life. Thank you to anyone who decides to read these words and share in the process with me in some way.
Do not read too much into the beginning baby blue template of this blog. It is still five weeks until we will find out the sex of our new child. That being said, I leaned this direction because at this point we both have the gut feeling that we will be having a son. This is yet to be seen, but I will be just as happy and have every bit as much love to give either way. I look forward to finding out however, because it will make shopping so much easier for us and others.
Our Kellybean is coming! I longingly await the day I am able to hold our little one in my arms, yet am enjoying each day and each moment up to that point, knowing this is my one time to experience it all. I do not wish it to be gone too soon, yet the wait to gaze upon the face of our child sometimes seems unbearable. It is a precarious balancing act that I am so blessed to be in the middle of.
~Father Finally
After a lost pregnancy a little more than a year ago, and trouble conceiving again after, we had chosen to move on and I again had found myself giving up on the prospect of having a child of my own. To our surprise it was within a couple weeks of the decision to move on that we took the test that both surprised and thrilled me at the same time. A joy that can not be described in words no matter how hard I would try.
Already having two high school aged children of her own (both who are great and who I love as my own), ever closer to adulthood and making their own way out into the world, I am ever inspired by her want and willingness to virtually 'start over' as people have said and bring a new child into this world with me. One of our flesh and of our blood, carrying on the bloodline of my father and my father's father; a bloodline that seemed as though it may possibly be severed at this generation of me and my brothers.
There of course was some worry early on given our previous pregnancy's outcome, and a difficulty during one appointment finding the heartbeat of our child. We however were able to see a healthy and bouncing baby, as well as a very strong heartbeat. Now at a little over 15 weeks we have finally reached the point where most of the danger is behind us. We are able to share the joyous news with one and all and begin the genuine preparation for all that is to come.
This is my outlet to write about what I feel and what I encounter on this new journey and chapter in my life. Thank you to anyone who decides to read these words and share in the process with me in some way.
Do not read too much into the beginning baby blue template of this blog. It is still five weeks until we will find out the sex of our new child. That being said, I leaned this direction because at this point we both have the gut feeling that we will be having a son. This is yet to be seen, but I will be just as happy and have every bit as much love to give either way. I look forward to finding out however, because it will make shopping so much easier for us and others.
Our Kellybean is coming! I longingly await the day I am able to hold our little one in my arms, yet am enjoying each day and each moment up to that point, knowing this is my one time to experience it all. I do not wish it to be gone too soon, yet the wait to gaze upon the face of our child sometimes seems unbearable. It is a precarious balancing act that I am so blessed to be in the middle of.
~Father Finally
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